The Best Way to Connect with Your Partner
The BEST way? There can't be one best way to connect with your partner, right?
Well, you're probably right. There are many great ways to connect with your partner, but this one is really important. This one thing has strengthened my own and many other relationships. It allows you to really know your partner and to show them how much you love them. So, what is it?
What are those? Well, according to Gary Chapman, the author of this book, they are five different love languages that we all have. You can take this quiz to find out what your primary love language is, what it means, and how you can use it to connect better with others.
I'm going to give you a quick rundown on what the five different love languages are.
Words of Affirmation
This love language has to do with using words to affirm others. This can be seen when your significant other tells you that you did something well or compliments your appearance. You feel loved when someone goes out of their way to use their words to encourage and build you up. This love language can also be shown through a nice note or a quick text.
Acts of Service
On the opposite side, this love language has to do with actions rather than words. For these people, taking out the trash or running an errand for them makes them feel more loved than when you use words to affirm them. The phrase, "Actions speak louder than words" defines this love language.
Some people feel the most loved with they are given a gift. If your significant other has this love language and they had a bad day, try buying them flowers or their favorite candy. This love language doesn't make you greedy, it just means that you feel loved when someone goes out of their way to give you a gift.
A person with this love language wants your undivided attention. This person feels the most loved when you're spending time together and you are giving them your attention. You don't need to spend a bunch of money on a big date, all they want is to spend time with you.
This last love language feels loved when you share physical touch with them. This could mean a pat on the back, a touch on the arm, or a hug. To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.
You may have already known about the five love languages or this may be news to you. Either way, you might be wondering, why does this matter so much to my relationship? Good question.
First of all, we all have a primary love language. This means that one of those five love languages is the secret to making us feel loved. Wouldn't you want those you love the most to know that secret? I sure would.
Once your loved ones know the secret to making you feel loved, you will start to - spoiler alert - feel more loved! I don't know about you, but I want to be loved better.
Another reason this should matter to your relationship is because just like you have a primary love language, so does your significant other. If you have ever felt like they just weren't getting how much you loved them or you just didn't know how to make them happy, this might be your answer. When you know what their love language is, it allows you to understand them better and finally be able to make them feel happier with something as simple as writing them notes or giving them hugs when they're sad.
Love languages in real life
My primary love languages are quality time and words of affirmation. My fiancé has known about these since before we even said the words "I love you" to each other. And he has loved me well ever since. He knows that I don't need a big fancy date because I really just want to spend time with him. He knows that using words to affirm and encourage me are things that I need. I need him to tell me that he likes me and loves me and thinks I'm doing well. I need to hear that he's proud of me and my accomplishments. He knows that I need to video chat with him daily when we're apart. That's why he does all these things. He understands me and what I need, so he does it to show me that he loves me.
I am also able to love him well because I know that his primary love language is physical touch. I hold his hand and give him hugs. When he's in a stressful situation, I put my hand on his knee or rub his back. When he's sad, I let him hold me or I hold him. I know that he needs that closeness to really feel loved, so I do it.
This may not be the savior of your relationship, but it can certainly help you to love each other better. And that can make a world of difference in your relationship.
Some ways to love someone with each primary love language:
Words of Affirmation: Tell them you're proud of them. Compliment them. Write them a sweet note and put it in their lunch bag. Tell them you love them. Tell them when they you like something they do.
Acts of Service: Take out the trash. Make them dinner. Clean the house. Run errands for them. Fix something they need fixed. Ask them how you can help them regularly.
Receiving Gifts: Bring them flowers. Buy them their favorite candy. Surprise them with that thing they've been eyeing at the store. Take them out to dinner at their favorite restaurant.
Quality Time: Schedule time to be together. Video chat with them. Listen to them talk. Watch their favorite movie or tv show with them. Run errands with them. Go on a road trip with them.
Physical Touch: Hold their hand. Hug them. Put your hand on their knee at dinner parties. Rub their back. Hold them when they are sad. Kiss them (on the lips, forehead, hand, etc.). Cuddle with them.
Comment other ideas for ways to love people with the different primary love languages. Share how you love your friends, too. I want to hear all about how knowing your love language or someone you love's love language has helped your relationships!